What are you worried about? Ah- the age old question. I think it might be better to ask me what I’m NOT worried about. The answer would be much shorter & less complex. I am a chronic worrier. It’s interesting- I am a very optimistic, glass half full person most of the time, but once I get started, I just can’t stop the worry snowball effect. Don’t get me wrong- the things I worry about tend to be legitimate concerns. I worry about money, my family’s health & safety, if I’m being a good enough wife & mother, the mess that is my house, my friends, and the future. Many of these things are far beyond my control. I have to constantly remind myself of that & try to let it go. That is so much easier said than done, but I have to remember it’s worth the effort. That energy can be much better spent- on dealing with the things I can control. #RollerJournal

What would you like to remember from today? As we come closer to Sophie’s 4th birthday (19 more sleeps!), I would like to remember this, her 3rd year. She has come so far while she was 3- strengthening, speaking, questioning, sharing. She spontaneously tells me she loves me, she cheers everyone on, she is the girl you go to when you need a smile. She loves a “big surprise,” which is often a little something I picked up at the dollar store, or is something she needs. She laughs easily. She loves to sing, dance, & play her piano. She’s bossy. Really, really bossy. I’m working on teaching her to request rather than demand. She loves Disney movies, Eric is her favorite prince, she loves to steal her daddy’s spot in the “big bed,” and will give away her hiding spot with giggles every time. She is growing up so very fast. She’s mastered a million milestones this year- running, jumping, speaking in full, well thought out sentences. I was explaining to her yesterday about how her birthday is a very special day for me, too. I told her that when she was born, she changed me. I became a mommy for the very first time. What an incredible ride we’ve had, these nearly four years. I am so proud of her- who she is, how hard she works, how strong willed she is- even when that doesn’t always work in my favor. I can’t wait to see what 4 brings, but I will miss this, year 3. #RollerJournal

What’s the best thing you read recently? This isn’t an original answer, but I would have to say the best thing I’ve read recently was the Hunger Games trilogy. There’s so much happening in our current political climate that terrifies me. It seems that there is a movement for a government ‘takeover’ of our rights to access health care, to be safe on the streets- even the protections of the Constitution are being tested. The messages of the books- a privileged few benefiting from the oppression of the masses, utilizing fear as a tool of control, the fact that there are no easy answers and that rebellion will be met with swift action- it’s all there. Freedom to gather, freedom to speak freely, freedom to question authority- these are no longer givens in the ‘land of the free.’ It doesn’t seem so far fetched to imagine a large scale rebellion- and a post apocalyptic future. My favorite thing about the Hunger Games trilogy is how widely they’ve been embraced by the masses. I find that speaking to others about their experiences reading these books lends itself to my own expanding understanding of people and human nature. Yesterday, during the Easter Sunday mass, our Pastor, Laura, referenced a quote from the movie The Hunger Games- “A little hope is fine- a lot of hope is dangerous.” I think that is exactly what the current persons of privilege are afraid of- that as long as we have rights and hope, we can change things. I honestly believe that the current movement by government officials to limit freedom by whatever means necessary is born out of their fear of losing power. Until there is a change, a rising up, a populous demanding that their freedoms remain unencumbered- the story of the Hunger Games will not seem far fetched. I can only hope that we can hold on to hope during this frightening time- and stay dangerous. #RollerJournal

Wordless Wednesday.

Day 7 of 30 days of Thankfulness. Today I am thankful that I have finally accepted myself as an artist. I think because the mediums I use are non-traditional, it has been difficult for me to understand that what I do is art. For some reason it’s always been in my head that one could only be considered a true artist if they used paper and pencil or paints. I’ve known so many incredible artists that use these tools to bring their visions to life, it has been easy to relegate myself to “crafter” status (not that there’s anything wrong with that!) However, the more I share my creations with others, particularly those I don’t know, the more I can see things through their eyes. What I do, not everyone can do. I weave yarn into useful objects. I collect beads and findings and put them together in ways that people see fit to adorn themselves with. I can sew. I can look at something and work out ways to re-create it. It’s taken a long time, but I am really grateful that I’ve learned to see what I do as art- and I am thankful to all of the people who helped me to see what they see.

Day 6 of 30 days of Thankfulness- I am amazed at how lovely this fall has been. I am so grateful that the temperatures have changed slowly and we’ve had the chance to see the trees explode with color. I am thankful that today I found my way outside to stand in the warm sun before tonight’s forecasted freezing temperatures hit. I am blessed to have taken the time to pay attention as nature prepares for her winter slumber. Lastly, I am so glad that I got to share all of this with Sophie. Comparing colors & shapes of leaves, stomping on crunchy brown leaves as we walked home hand in hand, savoring the last warm days as much as possible. I’ve enjoyed this year’s fall more than any I can remember and for that, I am incredibly thankful.

Day 5 of 30 days of Thankfulness- I love my car. Really, really love it. I am grateful to have it- and grateful for my wonderful in-laws who gifted me with it.

Day 4 of 30 days of Thankfulness- I am so very grateful for Stock Elementary, Sophia’s amazing school.

Trying to catch up on 30 days of Thankfulness. Day 3- my non-traditional family. More words to come.

today i am thankful for my amazing husband.  ben makes me laugh when i want to cry, lets me cry on his shoulder, pushes my buttons, tells me i’m beautiful when i wake up in the morning and before i go to bed at night, makes me explain myself, and loves me every day, no matter what.  he says that he loves me more every day, and is unsure how that is possible.  when i am at my lowest, he takes my face in his hands and says, “sasha, i don’t know if you know this, but i NEED you in my life.  you are my partner.  you are my heart.  you have things to offer that i don’t.  i need you.”  

on top of all of that, ben is the best father for sophie i could imagine.  he has gone through life as a “sick kid.”  a kid who was deemed fragile, one who would never last as long as he has.  he sees things from a perspective that i never could.  he understands her in a way that i never will.  we balance one another as her parents.  i am so glad i have him to help me raise her.

by no means is he perfect.  he and sophie fight.  a lot.  they are two sides of the same coin and love to push one another’s buttons.  in the end, sophie loves her dad so very, very much and wishes he could be with us all of the time.

he also pushes my buttons.  sometimes he brings work home and is frustrated.  sometimes he zones out.  sometimes he nitpicks after i’ve had a hard day and i holler.  (hey, i’m not perfect either!)  when i holler, he gets petulant, and we both melt down.  in the end, one of us remembers that we are best friends and apologizes.  i know that it will always come down to that.

so today, on the second day of 30 days of giving thanks, i want to let you all know that i am grateful for my husband, and i love him, and all of his silly alter egos, very, very much.  yes, even phillip (if you don’t know about phillip, that’s a story for a different day.)